I believe I’ve seen a comprehensive description of consent once before. Figured I’d contribute as it’s a subject that bears repeating.
Consent is:
- Non-coercive: If you’re cojoling, threatening or otherwise trying to “convince” someone to engage in a sexual act with you, you are breaking consent. If you asked 16 times and got 15 No’s and 1 Yes, you still did not adequately obtain consent. Also, you’re a weak individual.
- Not fixed: What I mean by this is you shouldn’t take for granted that after asking once for consent that you now have consent forever. It’s not like landing a gig as a Supreme Court judge. You don’t have consent for life. It should be continuously negotiated.
- Dynamic: Related to the above note, consent for one act does not necessitate consent for all acts. Consent is not an EZ Pass. It should be re-addressed constantly for different acts.
- Conscious: Yeah, I want to believe I don’t have to explain this one. Bad enough I had to list it. But ok, yes, an inebriated/asleep/passed out or otherwise not fully coherent person cannot consent. There, you can’t say no one ever told you.
- Unambiguous/Explicit: Assume all of the following to mean “no.” — “Maybe,” “I’m not sure,” “Not yet,” “Kinda,” “Wait a minute,” …I could go on.
- Not contingent upon sexual interest nor sexual arousal: We know. Blue balls are a motherfucker. Still no excuse. Neither your NOR the expressed/implied interest of any potential partners is an invitation to any act. Also, neither your nor the (assumed) arousal of anyone you might want to have sex with is an invitation. Yes, someone might be aroused and still not want to fuck. Crazy times. I know.
- Not compensatory: Yeah, that dinner and a movie were nice. Still not an invitation to fuck. And if you thought it was, you’re a world class asshole.
- Not something that requires a qualifier: No one needs to explain why they are not granting you consent. No is enough.
Oh my god thank you so much. Thank you Thank you THANK YOU.
The posters read:
“How can a girl rape a boy?”
- Nearly everyone I tried to tell for the first four years after it happened.
“Man up.”
- My then-fiance in response to the panic attack I was having, caused by seeing my rapist for the first time since the incident had occurred eight years previous.
Because it is a shitty thing to forget that rape occurs, regardless of gender.
This is what pisses me off about seeing posts about girls getting raped. It happens to men too. There is nothing gender specific about it. Never, ever, EVER is it the victim’s fault for jack shit.
For all my followers: If you ever need someone to tell, even just to say it and get it off your chest, I will never say this. I will send you the tightest internet hug I can physically manage and listen to everything you want to say, but I promise I’ll never tell you that girls can’t rape too or that you need to just get over it nor will I tell anyone else. I swear. Things like this traumatize people for life and it’s the hardest thing in the world to heal from. Be strong my loves <3
a person should not be belittled about their rape because of their gender. it’s sickening to see this happens.
The first post to circulate with my quote still intact and it’s this one. Huh.
Original point still stands, of course.
Consent is a mental thing. Consent has NOTHING to do with what your body does. Our bodies react to stimuli whether we consciously (or unconsciously) want them to or not. A man’s penis can become hard and erect without them wanting it to. A man can orgasm without wanting to. If a women stimulates a man’s penis when he does not want to be stimulated - when he has not given consent to that or other sexual activity - that is sexual assault and rape. And it should be taken seriously.
Forever Love by Tom Ford
“I am tired of the cult of youth. The cultural rejection of old age, the stigmatization of wrinkles, grey hair, of bodies furrowed by the years. I am fascinated by (….) women who have let time embrace them…. “
(Source: wine-loving-vagabond)
I’ve been asked by people on different ends of the fat lover spectrum about advice being a good ally. From the “My lover doesn’t see how beautiful she is and won’t have sex with the lights on,” to the “My lover uses the term fat to describe themself but I’ve always thought of that as a derogatory word… isn’t it?” For FAT SEX WEEK I’ve highlighted some of the best ways to be a good ally to your fat lover. This is all from my limited perspective, you should obviously be in good communication with your lover to find out what works for them and how they operate in the world. Communication is an essential sex toy! This advice applies to folks of all sizes, not just thinner folks partnered (in all the myriad ways one can partner) with fat folks. And a lot of it is good advice for sex in general, regardless of whether or not your partner is fat.
crystal ships dripping with ice: pervocracy: What I Mean When I Say I’m Sex-PositiveI think freedom of... →
What I Mean When I Say I’m Sex-Positive
- I think freedom of sexuality is something that we all need and very few of us have
- I think sexual pleasure is a legitimate thing to want and ethically pursue
- I do not judge people for the (consensual) sex that they have or want
- I will not tolerate slut-shaming
- I will not tolerate hatred of people based on gender or orientation (including asexual)
- I will not tolerate hatred of sex workers
- I believe comprehensive, honest, non-judgmental sex education is necessary for public health and happiness
- I think understanding of sexual consent—what it is, why it matters—is sorely lacking in society and crucially important
- I reject preconceptions of what kind of sexuality a person should have, whether these preconceptions are based on gender, age, culture, disability, survivor status, or basically anything else
- I value people’s individual freedom of choice in determining their sex lives (including the choices not to have sex)
What I Don’t Mean
- Everyone should have sex
- Everyone should have kinky, non-monogamous, exhibitionistic, pansexual sex
- Accepting someone’s sexuality means you have to participate in it, watch them engage in it, or hear about it in detail
- Nothing related to sex is ever hurtful for anyone
- Feminism should be all about sex
- Sex fixes everything
I am a safer sex nerd. I want to know everything there is to know about safer sex so I can pass on what I am learning to other people.
On the table I have: Nitril gloves, condoms, Sheer Glyde dams, alcohol swabs, and a few bottles of lube.
Why Nitril gloves? Because they are soft and because many people are allergic to latex. And, of course because they feel good and they act as a fluid barrier between my body and other people’s bodies. (Why a box and a bag of gloves? Because I always keep gloves, dams, and condoms both at home (the box) and in my backpack for wherever else I might find myself wanting to be sexual)
Why Glyde dams? Glyde dams are not dental dams. They are specifically manufactured for safer sex. They are the only dams that have been clinically proven to lower the transmission rates of sexually transmitted infections (STI/STD).
Why more than one lube? The little bottle is specifically for one of my lovers. When I have more than one lover, I never use the same lube for more than one person because that would increase the possibility of spreading STIs from one lover to another. In addition, different lubes work better for different parts (and people). I like Maxim for my back bottoms, but it is horrible for front bottoms. I am trying out Sliquid Sassy for my front bottoms. I am very sensitive, so far Sliquid isn’t causing me any problems (yay!).
Why condoms? Condoms make good jackets for penis friends. They work wonders on porous dildos (most dildos are porous, meaning they have little pockets where STIs can hang out before they go from one body to another). In addition, they can be used to cover hands when gloves are not available, and they can be cut into makeshift dams.
Why more than one condom? I always, always have more than one condom. A minimum of 4 is good. If someone is going from back bottoms to front bottoms, the condom needs to be changed to prevent bacteria from spreading from front to back, which, if it does spread can cause really bad infections in the front. If a condom fails inspection before use, toss it and grab another one. Oral sex? I grab a dam or a condom. If folks are switching, then I want to have a new condom so we aren’t exchanging fluids. If more than two people are present, I make sure there are at least 2 condoms for each person, depending on what activities they prefer. (And I always check the expiration date).
Why the alcohol swabs? If anyone gets cut, I swab it down immediately on my way to the hot soapy water. I swab down dildos etc in addition to soap and hot water. And, in general I just plain old like to have alcohol swabs. (which reminds me, that box is empty and I need to buy more!!!)
Why safer sex? Because it feels great, allows me to create a safer environment for myself and my lover(s). It reduces my anxiety during sexual activities. It increases my self esteem to know that I have developed a valuable skill set that I can teach to others.
:)
PS I just realized that a One condom somehow made it into my pack of take-with-me condoms. Our school is still phasing them out because so many students complained of them breaking. So, I just wanted to say that I don’t support One Condoms.
I should note that there is a human misconception that free condoms, though exactly the same in quality as high priced condoms either break more, aren’t as comfortable or aren’t reliable. This simply isn’t true. Please support and accept free condoms!
bisexual with a preference for the same sex does not mean "one foot out of the closet."
bisexual with a preference for the opposite sex does not mean "trying to get attention."
lesbian does not mean "masculine."
gay does not mean "feminine."
transgender does not mean "going through a phase."
transsexual does not mean "a disappointment." nor does it mean "gender identity confusion."
asexual does not mean "prude."
demisexual does not mean "prude."
objectsexual does not mean "mentally ill."
pansexual does not mean "easy."
heterosexual does not mean "normal"
Your does not mean "you are"
I’m convinced that RDJ knows exactly what slash is and purposely promotes it in all of his films.
And his wife fully supports it.
Just for funsies I’m going to remind everyone that RDJ told Rolling Stone
“A lot of my peer group think I’m an eccentric bisexual. That’s OK. Being relaxed about sexuality is something you’re born with…[My bisexuality] was manufactured. I didn’t have an identity. I was playing around. I expressed it. I grew up in the Rocky Horror Picture Show world, where even my butch friends turned out to be androgynous on Saturday nights.”
Robert Downey Jr. is kind of the perfect human being.
(Source: iwantcupcakes)
(Source: jessthefeminist)
Here are 3 of the most common arguments I have heard for fighting against the addition of more sexuality labels. And why I think they are silly.
There are many more arguments. Always more arguments. Maybe I’ll get around to those, too.
[As always, let me know if you would like the original 20x24” files for awareness and education.]
i feel like this can also apply to pronouns.
Rambles: Consent →
Women who are too sexual aren’t taken seriously, and women who aren’t sexual enough aren’t taken seriously. Women who are conventionally attractive get valued solely for their sexual appeal; women who aren’t conventionally attractive get dismissed for their lack of it. Women who are conventionally attractive are assumed to be dumb bimbos; women who aren’t conventionally attractive are assumed to be either bitter or desperate. Women who are conventionally attractive get trivialized; women who aren’t conventionally attractive get treated with pity and contempt. We can’t win.
The UPS Foundation today joined a growing number of corporate leaders in providing financial support to those organizations that align with the company’s non-discrimination policy. Under this policy, the Boy Scouts of America is no longer eligible for grants from the UPS Foundation because of the BSA’s ban on gay scouts and scout leaders. http://www.glaad.org/blog/boy-scouts-america-no-longer-eligible-grant-funding-ups-foundation
Ha Ha!
Fuck yes.
I know this has been making the rounds, but posting for my readers who have not seen it yet:
Say NO to Papa Johns. Say YES to UPS.
And the coolest part is, the part of the clitoris as labeled in the diagram above? Is just the most visible portion. Under the skin, there’s a whole complex of clitoral radness goin’ on (dark pink portions in the diagram below):
[Additional caveats: not only women have the parts described, not all women have the same anatomy, ALL genders may benefit from knowing this for their own & their partners’ pleasure, not all people with similar anatomy have a sex drive necessitating this knowledge, etc, etc.]
Still, *awesome.*
(Source: la-fantome)
CLITERACY, 100 Natural Laws © Sophia Wallace 2012. Currently on view at Dumbo Art Center, details below.
CLITERACY, 100 Natural Laws is mixed media project that explores a paradox; the global obsession with sexualizing female bodies in a world that is illiterate when it comes to female sexuality. CLITERACY is a new way of talking about citizenship, sexuality, human rights, and bodies. The project reveals the – phallic as neutral – bias in science, law, philosophy, politics, mainstream and even feminist discussion, and the art world - which is so saturated with the female body as subject. Each of these sectors have denied and diminished the significance of the clitoris. Using text as form, CLITERACY explores the construction of female sexual bodies as passive vehicles of reception defined by lack. It confronts a false body of knowledge by scientists who have resisted the idea of anything unique about the female body and rather studied only what confirmed their assumption that women’s anatomy was the inverse of male anatomy, and that reproduction was worthy of study, while female sexuality was most certainly not. In the last ten years there have been tremendous scientific breakthroughs in the understanding of the clitoris. The clitoris is exponentially larger and more complex than commonly thought. What we think of as the clitoris, is only the tip of the iceberg. While this discovery is exciting, it is a salient allegory into the bigger problem of a female body, both cis and trans female, constructed by men, based on false information, the goal of control and a culture that defines femaleness as inferior and female sexual organs as taboo. It further questions the fetishization of reproductive sex– despite the fact that 70% of women do not orgasm from vaginal penetration alone– and the pathologization of non-reproductive sex and those who practice it, particularly queers and sex workers. CLITERACY builds upon my photographic practice and continues my exploration of how power shapes knowledge, often through use of the visual, for the purpose of social control. The project is monumental in scope and scale with 100 Natural Laws that span 10 by 13 feet and a 6 foot neon piece suspended from the ceiling. CLITERACY, 100 Natural Laws was completed during my Van Lier Fellowship in the Art Law Residency.CLITERACY 100 Natural Laws Scenes a Faire Art & Law Residency Exhibition
On View: Oct. 5-21 at Dumbo Art Center
Artist Talk: Sophia Wallace Oct. 16, 7-8:30pm at Dumbo Art Center
111 Front Street, Suite 212, Brooklyn, NY 11201
Tel 718-694-0831 Email gallery@dumboartscenter.org
Gallery Hours: 12 - 6pm Wednesday - Saturday, 12 - 5PM SundayInfo & Press Photos:
CLITERACY 100 Natural Laws
Sophia Wallace’s Studio: studio( )sophiawallace.com
